


Save Me

by brazul



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 15:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10516419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brazul/pseuds/brazul
Summary: Hansol looses contact with his soulmate at a young age. He then joins SM as a trainee and the stress gets to him.Soulmate!au: Deep scars and words appears on yours soulmates body from your birth.Contains selfharm





	

**Author's Note:**

> The story contains selfharm between the two *. But it's also a big part of the story, so don't read if if you don't like this kind of story. 
> 
> I have not proof read it yet, but will do it shortly.
> 
> Please enjoy this angst.

He had been four the first time it happened. Hansol had been tired of drawing on paper and he used instead his arms. He drew a heart on himself and someone had crossed it over. Shocked, he watched how a star took form under the crossed over heart. Then he screamed.

His mother explaiend the concept of soulmates, but Hansol never really understood what she meant. But that did not stop him from keep drawing small pictures to them. And the person answered with doodels of their own.

He wrote down his name half a year later, with the help of his mother, but only got some kind of drawing back. His father told him then that his souldmate wasn't korean.

Everything started to go downwards when Hansol turned seventeen. He had lost contact with his soulmate two years ago, a year after the bullying started. He never knew why. Hansol had figured out that his soulmate was Japanese and had tried to learn the laungauge. His soulmate had been surportive and even helped him the best they could. But then he stopped answering all of sudden. Hansol had tried to contact him, but with no success. In the end. He gave up.

 

A dream came true when he joined SM entertainment as a trainee. It worked out for a while before the bullying started again. Other trainees felt threatened and pushed him down. Sure, he had some friends, Like Taeyong and Johnny. But Taeyong had Taeil to look after, and the other way around. Hansol had hit it of well with Johnny but he were often busy between practice and writing to his soulmate.

A couple of weeks later and some new trainees joined. Hansol had not the time, nor will, to really care about them, but he knew their names and stuff. One of them were also japanese. This fact only made Hansol more stressed because it reminded him of his soulmate whom he hadn't talked to for years.

*

Hansol never knew what made him do it. Maybe the stress, or maybe it waw how he missed his parents. Or maybe it was the bullying.

He were standing in the tiny bathroom in the dorm late at night. He knew that some of the trainees were still at the practice room, but most of them were asleep. Hansol were staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. He tried to see what the others saw in him. Why SM let him pass and become a trainee. He couldn't see it. Maybe the other trainees were right. Maybe he should just leave. He weren't cut for being an idol.

Hansol let out a sigh and looked down. One of the others had cut his hair earlier that day and left the scissor on the sink. Hansol frowned and picked it up. The lightning in the bathroom made the scissor look more sharp than it actually were. He tried, he really did, but for some reason he could not put the scissor down. Suddenly, he had no longer controll over himself. He watched his own fingers seperate the blades and slowly he put the blade against his arm. He did not need to press down a lot for it to draw blood. Nor did he need it to be deep for it to hurt. And it was something with the pain which made him find release. It made him forget all his problems for a moment.

Somewhere for away, he heard a glass shatter.

Hansol lifted the scissor, only to place it beside the first cut.

**STOP**

And he did. He didn't know if it was the shock of the word from his soulmate, or because it were written in perfect korean. But the word made him stop. He dropped the scissor into the sink and took a step back. What were he doing!?

*

He was quick to clean the small cut and hide the scissor before he left the bathroom. Some of the last ones must have come back, for he heard sounds in the kitchen. Frowning, Hansol walked over. Yuta, one of the newer trainees, were standings in the middle of the kitchen, marker in hand and a broken glass by his feet.

“Are you okay!?” Hansol almost shouted. Yuta looked worried and close to tears. He jumped when he heard Hansol speak and almost stepped in the glass. Lyckly, Hansol was quick and pulled the boy away before he got hurt.

“I'm... I...” Yuta couldn't answer and Hansol wouldn't press him.

“Let's clean up this mess and go to bed” he said and Yuta nodded. Luckly, he understood even with the limited korean he knew.

It did not take long before they were done cleaning and Hansol bid him goodnight before he turned his back to the younger.

“H-hyung?” Hansol turned around again, only to see the tears Yuta had held in falling feely down his cheeks.

Now, Hansol was not the biggest fan of skinship, and were for most time quite shy and awkward. But something made him walk up to the boy and pull him into his arms. Yuta let out a quiet sob before he hugged the older back and started to cry for real.

They stood like that for a while, Hansol holding the younger and Yuta crying. Hansol had no idea of why he was crying, but for some reason, it felt right. Yuta suited within his arms in such a way it felt like a pussle. And that worried him. He had just got something from his soulmate for the first time in years. Hansol looked there the word and cut on his arm were hidden by the long sleeve on his shirt.

Yuta calmed down after a while and spushed the other away. Yuta used his sleeve to wipe his face and turned away.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“No problem. Do... do you want to talk about it?” Yuta heistated but shook his head. Hansol understood him. They had never really talked before so of course he did not want to tell him.

In the end, they both went to bed, but Hansol could not sleep. He sat in his bed, looking at the word on his arm. Why now? Why not before? Hansol had tried so hard to reach them, why who had them not answered before? Hansol had thought it were because they did not longer care, but then they shouldn't care now either. Maybe it was because they did not want any scars on himself. Yeah, it were probably that. Who wanted scars after all.

In the end, Hansol fell asleep, even more confused and depressed then he were when he woke up.

Two moths followed. Hansol were too busy to actually feel anything, so he ignored both his soulmate and the small wound. But he became close to Yuta after that night. They talked a lot and helped each other out with almost everything. But they never spoke about their past, and more important, their soulmate. No one did actually. They were times they could wake up, only to see one of the trainees with writing all over their body, but no one asked. It were too personal. But it wasn't like no one complained. Hansol were happy to keep it to himself. No one needed to know about his ignoring soulmate whom he for a while belived were dead.

But three months later and he were back in the bathroom. This time he was crying. Almost everyone of his teachers had told him how he wasn't cut out for being an idol and artist. How he was a waste of space and should just leave. And he belived them, he belived every single word.

It wasn't as late as last time. The others were in the kitchen and eating dinner. They had ended early because someone (whom Hansol thought was himself) kept messing it up and the teacher gave up for the day. (Actually, the teacher were impressed by them and let them get some well deserved rest). Taeyong had cooked dinner with the help of Taeil and the others were not saying no to that.

But Hansol had no apetite and had left the table before they began eating. And here he was, scissor in his hand and sleeve pulled up. The first cut had been easy, so had the second one.

“Someone get me a pen!” Yutas shout from the kitchen made Hansol flinch and a cut deeper than he had intended appeared on his upper arm. Hansol frowned, because it wasn't as bad as he imagined. So next cut were deeper.

“Hurry! I need a pen!” The pleading voice of Yuta made him come back to reality. So Hansol quickly cleaned up and pulled down his sleeve just as words started to appear on his arm. His soulmate could go fuck himself!

So he made sure no one could see what he just did and left the bathroom.

The kitchen were a catastroph(?). Johnny tried to get everyone to leave the kitchen while Taeyong sat on the floor with Taeil. Yuta sat between them, a marker in his hand and was writing on his arm in both korean and japanese. Tears were running down his cheeks and he were shaking. But none of that mattered to Hansol. No, the only thing which matter were the two small cuts on Yutas lover arm and the two deeper ones on hs upper one.

“Oh God” he whispered just as Johnny came up to him.

“Oh God, indeed. He freaked out when he felt the first cut. You should talk to him, he listens to you. Maybe you could calm him down.” He said, never taking his wyes off the boy. But Hansol shook his head before he rushed to the frontdoor, Johnny shouting after him.

“What had he done!?”

 

 

 

 

_**FIN!** _

 

 

  
You thought! Keep reading!

 

 

 

Hansol ran to the small park not far from the dorms. He sank down on one of the benches and burried his head in his hands. How? Why? Why would it turn out like this!? He took a deep breath and looked up, only to flinch backwards.

“What... what are you doing here?”

“Why did you leave?” It was clear that he was still upset. His eyes were puffy and he were shaking. Hansol ignored the question to ask his own again. Yuta glared at the older.

“Pull up your sleeve” he fired back. Hansols eyes widened and he took a deep breath. This were no good. Yuta must have realized that he wouldn't do what he was told, because he took the few steps to the bench and brabbed Hansols wrist. The latter tried to pull away, but Yuta were stronger than he looked.

“Please, don´t” Hansol whispered. Yuta gave him one last glare before he pulled up the sleeve.

You could barley see the the cuts under all ink written on his skin. Hansol felt tears burning in his eyes and looked away. He didn't want Yuta to see him crying. He didn't want the japanese to look at him at all.

“Why?” The word came out in a whisper. Hansol sighed. It wasn't a question he wanted to answer.

“Go home Yuta” He said and stood up. He tried to jank his wrist away from the other but Yuta didn't left him.

“Why are you pushing me away!?” Yuta shouted. They were both crying again. But Hansol couldn't take it anymore.

“I'm pushing you away!? You were the one who ignored me! You were the one who stopped answering! I... I though I did something to make you hate me! I thought I had said something to make you ignore me like that... Why did you never answer?” Hansol broke down and started sobbing. He sank down on the bench again and covered his face with his free hand. Yuta sat down beside of him and used the wrist he were still holding to pull Hansol closer and into his embrace.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Hansol. I never knew I hurt you this much. I just... You seemed like such a nice person and I knew I wouldn't have the time to talk to you as much as before if, when, I became a trainee. I didn't want to hurt you so I... Gosh, it sounds so stupid when I say it aloud like this.” Hansol let out a small laugh at that and Yuta smiled.

“You're both stupid!” They looked up to see Johnny and Taeyong stand there. Johnny was glaring at them while Taeyong were crying.

“Come back inside before you catch a cold. And we need to treat those wounds” Johnny said.

“It's not that bad” Hansol mottered but all three of them glared at him.

“Inside. Now.” Johnny turned and pulled Taeyong with him back to the dorm.

“I'm older than you!” Hansol shouted after them, but they ignored him.

“Hansol, promise me that you will never cut again.” Hansol turned to look at his soulmate.

“I promise, I really do. But never ignore me again!”

Some people seal their promises with their pinkey. They sealed theirs with a kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

  
“Can we go inside now? I'm freezing my ass off.”

 

  
_**FIN** _


End file.
